Nicholas Kristof has this annoying way of being the last gumshoe to arrive at the crime scene, writing about the incident as if he were the first on the scene, and delivering a completely inane verdict about what should be done to rectify the situation. This claim is especially true when it comes to his coverage of animal issues.
Last week, he dedicated a column to the abuse of chickens confined on "cage free" farms. If you care enough about animal welfare to keep up with the relevant news regarding agribusiness you would have to be totally checked out to think that Perdue was treating its chickens well. But here came Kristof to blow the lid off the scam. Turns out "cage free" doesn't mean squat. Turns out Perdue doesn't give a cluck about the welfare of birds.
Well. No. Duh.
But that's not really my problem with Kristof, nor should it be. I actually applaud him for dedicating the world's most valuable journalistic space to the welfare of chickens. My problem comes later in the column. It comes with how he handles his "discovery." First he shines his journalistic strobe light on severe suffering:
Most shocking is that the bellies of nearly all the chickens have lost their feathers and are raw, angry, red flesh. The entire underside of almost every chicken is a huge, continuous bedsore. As a farmboy who raised small flocks of chickens and geese, I never saw anything like that.
(Sidebar: The "farmboy" thing again. Okay, got it. You were raised on a farm in Oregon. But now you are a columnist at the world's most prestigious paper. And that means, or it should mean, that you need to do some real thinking.)
Then note his conclusion in the face of this suffering: "I don't know where to draw the lines."
What? For real? Really? This is insane. On the one hand, Kristof wants to take credit for exposing the horror of what Perdue does to its birds. But on the other, he won't even adhere to the ineffable logic of his own reporting.
Hey, Nick: when you confront the systematic and morally atrocious treatment of chickens, and when you yourself realize that this treatment is endemic, and when you reveal this reality to millions of readers, there's a very easy line to draw: you stop eating chickens.
And you get very brave. You tell your readers to stop eating chickens. And then you call your colleague Bittman and ask him to follow suit, and then Bittman can call his friends in the foodie world, and then...
Well, then you're a hero. But otherwise you're kind of a coward.