Approach the absurd number of frozen yo-art chains with extreme caution. Women who eat artificial ice cream for meals will gaggle over me like a baby.
Bag extra bags in your bag. I may be held like a $3,000.00 bag but it is never appropriate to be out of that particularly necessary object.
Collars are the major critique when I see my peers. Please ensure I am up to my style standard; set by my Mother, while seen on the street.
Do not say my name on 14th, that stretch of town is basically a mall of mundane consumerism. Saying my name provokes undesirables to touch me, based on the accord that we seem to be on a first name basis.
Entertain the idea that I have a profound sense of smell and let me follow my nose. I promise I won't lead you on a dumpster dive. I am looking for clues!
Friends should never fight over who gets to walk me, everyone should get a turn. I like a variety of walking styles. This is to prepare me to go off-leash someday. I practice this in Green gardens, south of 14th. My favorite place to go when I am feeling blue. The gays adore my fur coat. They use their kind words for great causes like:
Helping the homeless, the hungry, those in bad health, you get what I mean. Help those with less than you&me; regardless of your sexuality.
Introduce me by my formal name, Mr. Lou, as I am a pup to be taken seriously. Especially when I am working out, which I do in public places. So I go:
Jogging in the Dog Park at Union Square, NYC is my GYM. I need fuel to keep up, so my mom cooks in her Kitchen, food from the farmers market where her dollar goes back to the source that grew it. I know money doesn't grow on trees. I am talking about locally sourced sustainable cuisine.
Latino's teach me Spanish when they tell me I am "guapo". Yo se about, Moving wheels: please keep me close to you while crossing the street. I get it, Real New Yorkers J Walk, but let's make sure a yellow one doesn't get me.
No one goes by without a sniff. It's my intention to meet all the pup's in my community to collaborate with. We like to discuss things that interest us such as:
Observations of the number of cigarettes butts on sidewalks. I have calculated that high taxes have helped smoke out littering in the streets. As well as cancer stick consumption.
Patrolling the block everyday is my job. I take note of what needs to be reported to Bloomberg, he's my dawg.
Questioning the arrival of new pup's in the pet store, where do we come from? No one wants to face the sad truth because we are so cute. If I am Reading the Times as I nibble it in bed. I am not happy with the news.
So I stretch my belly across different parts of the floor to warm up or cool off depending on the topic du jour.
Tourists&Toys;: not limited to the Scandinavian design of pup toys. Which I adore. It's about making sure there is funding for new projects for citizens of New York to create. The millions who visit each year come to see something they have never seen. Something I've seen enough of are:
Umbrellas sold by the subway. They need to be improved. I'm tired of using an umbrella that gets Mommy&Me; half way home from the salon before breaking and ruining my coat! We work hard to look good. She rides her Velo to keep her heart strong. Bike lanes are all over town. Lets take a cue from Paris and incorporate bikes into our monthly metro card. I am a French Bull Dog after all.
Wonder why we haven't met yet? Let me Xplain why:
You haven't snuck into the Zoo at Central Park, that's what a rebel like me does for fun in our town.
Sincerely Yours, Mister Lou http://thomscribner.com/mister-lou/2013/5/24/mister-lous-rules-4-fourteenth-street