The Funniest Things Anxious Pet Parents Have Called Vets About, According To An ER Vet

There’s no such thing as a stupid question. There is, however, such a thing as a funny question — especially when it comes to anxious pet parents worried about their BFFs.

And let’s be real, we’ve all been there.

We spoke with Dr. Nastassia Germain, a medical doctor with Veterinary Emergency Group in Georgetown, Washington, D.C., who told us all about some of the funniest questions pet parents have called in to ask.

Quotes were edited for length and clarity.

“You know it's going to be an interesting question when an owner starts with, ‘I'm not sure how to ask this or if I should.’ The owner was unsure if his cat may have injured itself, but he wanted to confirm what color cat blood is. I relayed that cats are mammals, not aliens, so they have red blood. He sounded very shocked, and I said that if there is red blood on the cat that it should be seen. Seems it wasn't blood and the cat got into something green while outside.”

“I had a client call frantically that they found masses on their new puppy. I don't remember the exact age of the puppy but somewhere between 8 to 10 weeks old. Mom was very panicked, so we told her to come in. Mom and daughter did come in frantic and in tears, worried that their new puppy had cancer, and they [had] just lost their family dog. Well, after rushing over to examine the puppy and calm Mom down, I couldn't find any masses. I then asked them to show me where they felt the masses. Well … I then got [the] pleasure to tell the owner that her dog did not have cancer and his testicles had descended. She was embarrassed and happy all at once.”

“The amount of calls I have gotten over the years of people trying to remove “ticks” which won't come off. It's almost always a nipple.”

“I once had a caller concerned that his dog may have gotten his cat pregnant. He noticed that the cat looked bigger. I had to let him know that cats and dogs couldn’t interspecies breed, and I think his cat just gained weight.”

“We often get calls about owners accidentally giving medication to the wrong pet, but one night I got a call that the owner accidentally took their pet’s deworming medication and what will happen to them. I told them they should be fine, but always follow up with their human doctor.”

“I have gotten a fair share of calls from owners who are clearly under the influence asking how they would tell if their dog got into marijuna that the neighbor threw over the fence. Somehow, they all have neighbors just throwing their stash into their neighbor’s yard …”

So if you’re ever worried about asking your vet a silly question, don’t worry. Even if you do, you’re definitely not alone.