I sometimes do this thing with my dogs. I pretend to be a sort of Cruella de Vil/Buffalo Bill from “Silence of the Lambs.” I say, “We can take a bit of white fur from here,” indicating the cute little tummy of one of my Boston terrier chihuahua mixes and “maybe a bit of black from the fat around the neck area…”

Other funny bits I do involve telling the dogs to pose for their adoption photos or pretending to draw a meat chart of a cow on them. It’s all quite hilarious and leaves my daughter and I in stitches, because the dogs don’t speak English and all they know is we’re paying attention to them and isn’t that good? The fact is, I’m one of the most indulgent dog people on the planet. I anthropomorphize my pups and all dogs … and birds and rodents and insects. For the most part, the fact that I love (lerve, loave) these furry four-leggers makes me feel a kinship with other animals that can’t speak our language, which is why I can’t help but emit a tiny gasp when I see people wearing fur.

What brings me even greater discomfort are people wearing fur while holding their dogs. I remember when my daughter was three, she wouldn’t eat her chocolate bunny, it was too close to the real bunnies she watched prancing in the park (interestingly she happily chomped the head of a chocolate Santa). The point is, it’s very freaking weird to wear a fur coat while walking a fur coat. Do these people think about it? I’ve gone through a list of celebrity fur wearers with their dogs to try and assess this.

Miley Cyrus

Photo: Twitter/MileyCyrus

I feel like there's a special place in Hell for people Miley's age -- 21 - who wear this kind of big ass fur coat. It's like people who start smoking now, maybe our parent's didn't know it was bad but you have gotten the memo. Also look at the poor husky's face. He's like "Wait, the body feels like my mom, and the hair color matches, but that's definitely not her lipstick ….

Lady Gaga

Photo: FGA WENN Photos/Newscom

Pretty much once she wore the meat dress we knew she was out of the running for PETA spokesperson. The thing with this coat is it’s so damn huge, whatever animal it is they had to use a lot of them. Seems like her dog’s a little shell-shocked and perhaps wondering if the Louie Vuitton bag used to be a pet.

Paris Hilton

Photo: Getty

Paris Hilton recently tweeted that after watching “12 Years A Slave” she was “sad and angry… :( #SoWrong “. So let’s assume if she knew her coat was from an animal it too would make her :( .

Ombretta Colli

Photo: Getty

I don’t really know Ombretta Colli, but something about Italian in 1974 strikes me as “pre-fur-awareness” I really love her dog, he has a good kissable nose.

Elizabeth Taylor

Photo: Getty

Elizabeth Taylor’s got the fur coat and the fur hat, unfortunately her dog is too small to make anything except possible a merkin.

The Queen

Photo: Getty

Oh, Gosh, I know the Queen of England loves her dogs. Here she is with three of them. I kind of love that she travelled with all of them and am going to pretend her coat is faux. 

Lucille Ball

Photo: Getty

Up to this point, Lucille Ball’s dogs had thought the worst thing that could happen to them is a their hair cut, now they are looking at the blue dyed fur thing around her neck with the head still on and everything’s changed.

Audrey Hepburn

Photo: Ibc9.com

Audrey Hepburn was actually so stylish that animals requested to be made into furs for her. KIDDING!!! No, here she’s in a movie about a model so the fur here isn’t really on her head… except, you know, for the hat.

Carole Lombard

Photo: Getty

I can’t help but imagine that Carole Lombard brought her dog to the furrier like a sofa swatch and said, “match this.” It’s a little (very) creepy, especially the sheepdog’s pleading James Cagney in “Angels with Dirty Faces” expression.